
15 Jan What Happened to Marriage Guidance?
The Evolution of Marriage Guidance: From Advice to Couples Therapy
When I was growing up, struggling couples went to “Marriage Guidance.” While some therapy may have been involved, there was probably a lot of advice. That advice, meanwhile, would have been geared towards the traditional family set-up. Times have changed and many people have two marriages, or perhaps don’t even get married at all. There are serial monogomists, those who practise ethical non-monogamy, blended families and more. There is no set recipe for what makes a successful relationship. Indeed, it would be rather smug and even unethical for a therapist to give out advice based on their world point of view and experience.
Marriage Guidance: A Historical Perspective
The roots of marriage guidance trace back to the early 20th century when organizations like the National Marriage Guidance Council (now Relate) were established in the UK. These early initiatives aimed to address rising divorce rates and societal concerns about the breakdown of traditional family structures. Guidance was typically provided by clergy or community leaders, focusing on maintaining the moral and practical aspects of marriage.
This early model was often focused on the preservation of marriage at all costs.
Shifting Perspectives and the Emergence of Couples Therapy
As psychology and the cilt of self-help grew in popularity, things began to shift. Pioneers like Carl Rogers and Virginia Satir introduced more humanistic and systemic approaches, emphasising empathy, communication, and individual growth within relationships. The focus moved away from simply saving the marriage to addressing the underlying dynamics and fostering mutual understanding.
In the 1970s and 1980s, couples therapy evolved further. Therapists began to consider issues such as emotional intimacy, equality, and the impact of external stressors on relationships. Therapy sessions became more inclusive, addressing the needs of diverse relationships, including unmarried couples and LGBTQ+ partnerships.
Modern Couples Therapy: A Holistic Approach
The Human Givens approach draws on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), The Gottman Method and other disciplines to offer tools to help couples navigate their unique challenges. Much of my work with couples is around fostering effective communication, rebuilding trust, and promoting emotional connection. We might be working through a crisis or break in trust. Equally, we may be improving communications or just rebuilding a sense of connection.
Modern couples therapy does not view the end of a relationship as a failure. Instead, it emphasises individual and collective well-being. Sometimes parting ways can be the healthiest option for both parties, and therapy can help people through that.
Why the Shift?
Couples therapy is no longer about enforcing societal expectations but about helping individuals build meaningful connections, whether within a traditional marriage or any other form of partnership.
If you’d like to discuss couples therapy with me, online or in person, please do contact me.