Money can be difficult enough for us as individuals, but when two people come together, each with their own issues around money, it can lead to problems in a relationship. Sometimes, it’s about not having enough, of course, but not always. Different spending and saving patterns can feel like chasms. There may be disagreement over parenting and how to instil money values, or even problems when one of you values money over time due to deep set financial insecurity.

All of these can result in:

• Avoiding difficult money conversations
• Disagreeing over money, time, children, or legacy
• Feeling tension without perhaps knowing why
• Resentment
• Disagreement over things like when to retire
• Struggling to feel “seen” by each other
• Very real problems with finances

Sometimes the challenge isn’t dysfunction. It’s simply that things feel off, and you need someone skilled enough to help you name what’s happening, and why.

Couples Therapy Around Money

The work we do together is thoughtful, systemic, and rooted in an understanding of finances, power, and emotional nuance. At the same time, it is very practical, and we will be working on tweaking habits and behaviours that perhaps no longer serve you as a couple.

This is not about blame. It’s about creating space for reflection, pattern recognition, and meaningful change in a safe, private environment.

Individual Financial Therapy

Perhaps you know that your money behaviours are contributing to conflict in your relationship, but you’d the space to address them alone rather than as a couple. That’s perfectly possible.

If you’re interested in addressing issues around money and finances, you can book a chat with me here.

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Does it feel like menopause or perimenopause has crept into your life and turned even your closest relationship upside down? You’re not imagining it, and you certainly don’t have to face it alone, whether it’s you that is going through this transition, or your partner.

Hormones and intimacy

Menopause is more than hot flushes and sleepless nights. Beyond the physical changes, it brings emotional turbulence and these shifts can have an uncomfortable way of threading into your relationship. Suddenly, familiar routines feel awkward. There are emotional closeness frays and communication hits unexpected snags.

This is unknown territory for both of you, and of course it will be. Perimenopause and menopause bring with them big questions around identity as much as physical and emotional symptoms: a real existential moment.

These shifts can feel subtle at first, but then overwhelming before you know it. You might find yourselves drifting into misunderstanding, irritation, or even isolation. This is not because love has faded, but because navigating these changes without support is deeply challenging.

What isn’t happening

It’s not that your love or commitment is failing.  Likewise, it’s not happening because you’re not trying hard enough. Finally, it isn’t about “rescuing” each other. It’s about rediscovering connection during a time of profound change.

How couples therapy helps during menopause and perimenopause

We might look at:

• Practical tools to ease tension—like grounding techniques during hot flushes or emotional regulation skills when an argument feels triggered by inner overwhelm.
• A compassionate space to explore what’s going on to gently notice the interplay between hormonal shifts, identity, intimacy, and boundaries.
• Strategic, tailor-made steps to help you feel better sooner—not distant or defensive, but held and understood.
• Emerging new identities, both for the person going through menopause or perimenopause, but also what this means for your identity as a couple.

Since we work using the Human Givens model, you may find this clarity and reconnection starts sooner than you’d expect, with fewer sessions needed.

You don’t have to navigate this alone

You can come together, or one of you can take the first step. In-person sessions are available in Hythe and Folkestone, or you can meet online in the comfort of your home.

If this feels familiar, I invite you to reach out for a free 15-minute introductory chat. Message me here to book one in.

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I often get asked this by people keen to improve their relationship, but for one reason or another, want or need to come on their own. Of course, the ideal is that you are both there, ready and willing to work on whatever might be the issue. But life isn’t always ideal. Sometimes, one partner refuses to go, or just does not have the time or even capacity. Sometimes a client might want to think through where they are and what’s going on before raising issues with a partner. Or perhaps they know there’s something going for them that’s impacting their relationship and they would rather work on it alone. Occasionally, they know that they need to have a difficult conversation with a partner, but would like some support to do that.

Couples therapy on my own

I tend to call couples therapy on your own as relationship therapy. Things I often work on with my clients are communication skills, creating a space to think about your attachments styles and how they might be impacting you. We can also look at whether a relationship is right for you: is it worth saving or would you be better off leaving? If leaving is your decision, then we can address the practical ways to do this in the best way for everyone involved.

Dealing with conflict is also something that often comes up. Some people are very conflict averse. While no one advocates conflict as being a great thing, some conflict is normal and to be expected. Avoiding conflict can mean that you adopt a passive position, perhaps even people pleasing, and it’s hard to get out of this habit.

How couple therapy on your own works

Relationship dynamics are interesting things. As soon as you change one thing, it has a ripple effect on others. This is how one person working alone can still change the dynamic of a relationship.

Please do contact me here if you’d like to explore relationship therapy.

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I’ve had many a client (and I’ve been there myself) who has said to me that they know they could get what they wanted if they put their mind to it. The problem was they didn’t know what that was.  I believe this is a side effect of modern life. We have so many options, so many choices. Additionally, when we consider them, many of them may seem right, appealing and perfectly acceptable. But acceptable and right isn’t enough.

Work out what you want

I recently sat down with a friend who wanted to downsize. Her plan was to move out of the city to a little place in the country where she could get a dog. She had started to set up her work to be more online and was looking at her finances in detail. She was also hoping to set herself up with a decent pension pot by this move.

She was determined that this was what she wanted for herself. She had thought it through very logically and sensibly. However, after a while talking about about the idea, she stopped. Embarrassed, she admitted she wasn’t feeling excited at all. I asked her if she wanted to explore this. Perhaps she was scared? After all, it would be a big change of lifestyle. She would be leaving friends behind, the glamour of her city meetings and her network. No, she said, being able to own my own house outright and have a dog is more important. Then she stopped and, tears welling up in her eyes, said “it just feels so small. Have I worked all my life for this, my own house and my dog? I know I want them, but once upon a time I wanted so much more.”

“I wanted to be a writer.” The sentence hung in the air. I could hear the both of us breathing. She was thinking. I was trying desperately not to jump in and say the obvious.

“But there’s no reason I can’t be is there…?” she asked.

From that moment, her map changed, it was a different map, more exciting, involving joining a writing meetup, reconnecting with old contacts in the literary arena and setting herself a writing plan. A book idea she had kept hidden for years bubbled to the surface and suddenly her move to the country to set herself for old age had become a move to the country to hopefully create a new career as a writer. Now she smiled.

Online therapy to work out what you want

Your destination should be exciting. It should feel like an adventure. If you’re coming to therapy to get away from something, to deal with uncomfortable feelings, then this is ok. However, know that therapy also has the power to improve your life, not just bring it back to normal.

The Playful Bit

If you’ve seen the film Sliding Doors you’ll remember that Gwyneth Paltro has a moment where she misses the train…and an alternative reality where she doesn’t. From that point onwards her life diverges in two very different ways. Imagine this is your sliding door moment. What could your different paths be?

You can contact me here, or book your first online therapy session with me here.

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Have you considered walk and talk therapy? Picture this: a sunny day, a gentle breeze, and you, strolling through a park or along a beach with your therapist by your side. Walk and Talk Therapy not only gets you out and about and enjoying all the benefits of physical exercise, but the movement can actually make therapy even more powerful. Here’s how:

What is Walk and Talk Therapy?

Walking therapy, sometimes called ecotherapy,  is like taking your therapy session for a spin outdoors. Sitting in a clinic together can create an environment for valuable work. However, there are also times when it’s useful to add in some movement through walking outdoors. That bilateral movement that happens during walking also helps our brains process and walking therapy can harness this.

I have curated walks around Folkestone and Hythe where we have the space to deep dive while walking, all the while enjoying the benefits of exercise and fresh air. It’s therapy, but with a side of Vitamin D!

What are the benefits of walk and talk therapy?

• Walking and talking therapy swaps the clinical setting for the great outdoors. It’s like therapy, but you get to ditch sitting still. How about sharing your thoughts while enjoying the breeze under the open sky? We have all of nature at our fingertips to help with great metaphors, and it has been proven to boost cognitive function.
• Fitness for the mind and body. My clients who struggle to find time to exercise can multi-task by using their therapy sessions. These walking appointments also work well for those who are struggling with weight or chronic illness and know that walking is vital for their health.
• Nature itself soothes us. Trees, flowers, and the occasional seagull– nature is therapeutic in itself. Walk and Talk therapy lets you soak up the calming vibes of the great outdoors. Sometimes, all you need is a change of scenery to lift your spirits, and there are many studies which pin-point time spent outdoors as being helpful with depression.
•  Walking side by side with your therapist somehow makes it all a bit more laid back. The casual setting might be helpful  for opening up and sharing your thoughts more freely. Also, walking side by side is far less intimidating than looking at someone across the room. It feels more equal, and is especially helpful when working with teenagers who are wary of counselling.
• Add in endorphins from the exercise to boost your mental health. Along with this comes a sense of achievement at getting your daily steps in.
• We walk to suit you and your pace. Even if you can only walk at a gentle stroll, we can do that, and I’ve chosen places where we can stop and catch breath or just take a pause if needed.
• Variety. Many of my clients have one week in the clinic, one week outside. They like the variety (I do too) and it helps promote a feeling of flow and movement to their therapy.

The weather

Of course, we are in the UK and beholden to the weather! I check the forecast the day before and we can reassess if we need to. Sometimes, walking in the rain can be refreshing and restorative, and I am happy to meet up if clients are up for it. However, we always have online and telephone options to fall back on.

Book a walking therapy session in Hythe or Folkestone

Drop me a line here or book in a chat to discuss working together.  I see walking locals from Folkestone and Hythe, as well as clients from Canterbury, Ashford and all over Kent.

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