Money can be difficult enough for us as individuals, but when two people come together, each with their own issues around money, it can lead to problems in a relationship. Sometimes, it’s about not having enough, of course, but not always. Different spending and saving patterns can feel like chasms. There may be disagreement over parenting and how to instil money values, or even problems when one of you values money over time due to deep set financial insecurity.

All of these can result in:

• Avoiding difficult money conversations
• Disagreeing over money, time, children, or legacy
• Feeling tension without perhaps knowing why
• Resentment
• Disagreement over things like when to retire
• Struggling to feel “seen” by each other
• Very real problems with finances

Sometimes the challenge isn’t dysfunction. It’s simply that things feel off, and you need someone skilled enough to help you name what’s happening, and why.

Couples Therapy Around Money

The work we do together is thoughtful, systemic, and rooted in an understanding of finances, power, and emotional nuance. At the same time, it is very practical, and we will be working on tweaking habits and behaviours that perhaps no longer serve you as a couple.

This is not about blame. It’s about creating space for reflection, pattern recognition, and meaningful change in a safe, private environment.

Individual Financial Therapy

Perhaps you know that your money behaviours are contributing to conflict in your relationship, but you’d the space to address them alone rather than as a couple. That’s perfectly possible.

If you’re interested in addressing issues around money and finances, you can book a chat with me here.

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I often get asked this by people keen to improve their relationship, but for one reason or another, want or need to come on their own. Of course, the ideal is that you are both there, ready and willing to work on whatever might be the issue. But life isn’t always ideal. Sometimes, one partner refuses to go, or just does not have the time or even capacity. Sometimes a client might want to think through where they are and what’s going on before raising issues with a partner. Or perhaps they know there’s something going for them that’s impacting their relationship and they would rather work on it alone. Occasionally, they know that they need to have a difficult conversation with a partner, but would like some support to do that.

Couples therapy on my own

I tend to call couples therapy on your own as relationship therapy. Things I often work on with my clients are communication skills, creating a space to think about your attachments styles and how they might be impacting you. We can also look at whether a relationship is right for you: is it worth saving or would you be better off leaving? If leaving is your decision, then we can address the practical ways to do this in the best way for everyone involved.

Dealing with conflict is also something that often comes up. Some people are very conflict averse. While no one advocates conflict as being a great thing, some conflict is normal and to be expected. Avoiding conflict can mean that you adopt a passive position, perhaps even people pleasing, and it’s hard to get out of this habit.

How couple therapy on your own works

Relationship dynamics are interesting things. As soon as you change one thing, it has a ripple effect on others. This is how one person working alone can still change the dynamic of a relationship.

Please do contact me here if you’d like to explore relationship therapy.

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With or without an official ADHD diagnosis, therapy or coaching for ADHD can help you with the symptoms. Whilst I cannot provide an ADHD assessment or diagnosis, what I do is work with people who feel as though they may have it. Our work together can help you with areas in which you may be struggling, such as time keeping, focus, impulsivity, self-belief or feelings of restlessness.

Even if you don’t have ADHD, but feel like some of the symptoms fit, therapy may be helpful. I often work with menopausal and perimenopausal women who confess that they feel as though they are experiencing ADHD traits, even though these have not affected them before.

First, here are some things you may be experiencing if you think you may have ADHD. Having some of them does not necessarily mean that you have ADHD. Likewise, if you have ADHD, you may not experience all of these.

• Impulsive behaviour, making decisions on the spur of the moment
• Feelings of restlessness. These can be both in the moment and in your life in general.
• Issues with focus and concentration. Finding it hard to start or finish tasks.
• Feeling as though you can’t stop your mind whirling.
• Problems with organising yourself.
• You find it hard to be on time, even when you think you’ve given yourself plenty of time.
• Forgetting things if you don’t write them down, and then possibly even forgetting to check what you’ve written
• An ability to hyperfocus on certain things, so much so that you tune out other people and lose track of time.
• You are always moving, such as jogging your foot without realising it. Things like fidget toys or tactile fabrics you can str0ke help you focus.
• Excessive worrying and rumination.

Therapy for ADHD

The most important step is finding out about you, your own life and goals right now. This means that we can zoom in on the ADHD symptoms that are causing the biggest issues for you. Sometimes, I work with clients who have struggled with time keeping in their work, and their line manager has pulled them up on this. Others, particularly students, might be experiencing a hard time getting started on something they know has to be done. It feels overwhelming and they just can’t bring themselves to knuckle down to it. Or, it might be that your symptoms are causing issues in your relationship. Your partner may be complaining that you don’t listen to them, or that your impulsivity has got you into debt.

We’ll work on embedding new behaviours, taking it at your own pace. If relationships have been damaged, we can address rebuilding them. For those who feel as though their minds are always churning, we can look at ways to soothe and calm that.

If we have a lower ability in one area, we can sometimes make up for it with our strengths. We’ll be looking at these too, and building strategies around using them more effectively.

It’s important to remember that you are more than your ADHD, so we will be looking at your life as a whole. How are you getting all your needs met right now?

Medication for ADHD

I can’t prescribe medication for ADHD. Only your GP can do that once you have your official diagnosis. Therapy and medication work very well together. Even with a diagnosis, many people choose not to take medication as there are side effects. Additionally, there are often ADHD medication shortages. If you’re struggling in your life, therapy offers a way of looking at how you can tackle things in a different way.

Business owners and ADHD

Whilst creativity and implusivity can be useful for business owners, being a business owner with ADHD has many challenges. For a start, business owners are unlikley to have that workplace support from HR or an executive coach. Once the company has reached a certain size, those issues that could be ignored, suddenly start impacting on the business. You may find challenges with concentration hold you back from pitching, going for funding or even just doing boring admin tasks. Likewise, that restlessless can make it hard to make decisions as you can see the opportunities almost everywhere you look.

Once again, we can look at these in therapy, and together build a strategy that will benefit you and your business.

To chat about therapy for ADHD, book a chat or contact me. Otherwise, you can go ahead and book an online session into my diary here.

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Counselling practice in Folkestone

I offer both individual and couples counselling. Clients I work with come to me with issues that include depression, anxiety, grief, pain, overwhelm, trauma issues, anger and relationship problems. 

Relationship issues aren’t just couple counselling, but can include looking at the sometimes complex relationships between parents and children, friends and even managers and colleagues.

I also work with teenagers and offer counselling as a business service, to support staff and colleagues.

Walk and talk therapy

As Folkestone is so beautiful, it makes a lovely place to benefit from walk and talk therapy. Getting out into nature really helps the therapeutic experience, as well as getting all the benefits of exercise and sunlight at the same time. I can also offer the option of walk and talk therapy, do get in touch to find out if this would work for you, and to discuss availability.

Choosing a therapist in Folkestone

There are many therapists in Kent to choose from and it’s important that you choose the right one for you. Many therapists work with what’s gone on in your past, often reaching right back to childhood.  We do work with this if it’s relevant, and something you would like to address. However, my aim as a solution-focused therapist is to think about what we can add,  subtract or approach in a different way in your life to make things better for you right now.  There will be homework between sessions, (relevant to you and agreed by both of us), that is about doing just that.

This style of therapy works incredibly well, and often means that you don’t need prolonged therapy. The majority of my clients feel a significant difference in weeks.  Of course, everyone is different, and things like complex trauma or an ongoing situation can take longer to work with.

Talking to a possible therapist is an important part of making your choice of counsellor. You should choose someone whose approach suits your needs, and who you feel comfortable with.  My own background is as a past business owner with my own PR and marketing company for fifteen years. I then retrained as a business psychologist, executive coach and psychotherapist.

You can set up a call with me by dropping your telephone number to me via my contact form here.

Where to find the Good Therapy Practice in Folkestone

My Folkestone practice is situated at:

3rd Floor, 103 Sandgate Road, Folkestone,

Kent

CT20 2BQ

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The room, at the top of the building, is cosy and welcoming, and it does feel like we are nestled up with the seagulls. It is up some stairs, so if access is an issue, I do have an alternative room in Folkestone.

Therapy in Hythe

I am offering Monday therapy slots in Hythe, where you can book a session that focuses on getting you into (or back into) a place where you feel in control again. As a Human Givens counsellor, my work is not about digging up copious amounts of issues from the past, but concentrating on what’s going to make you feel better as soon as possible. Of course, sometimes there are traumas, or deep seated patterns that need unravelling, and we can do that together to enable you to move on.

It can be incredibly liberating to talk through things with someone who doesn’t know your life and has no preconceived ideas about you and what you should do. However, our time together is more than just talking. Face to face, I use a lovely technique called Guided Imagery which will help you relax and increases the likelihood of you doing the things you want to do, whether that’s taking steps to lose weight or speak to a difficult colleague or family member. I also share practical tools and techniques that can make a difference to your day to day life. Most important of all is that we set some homework together. These tasks are very doable, and have a therapeutic point. Sometimes they are about helping you reach your goal, and sometimes they may be about opening you up, and helping you see things differently. All of my clients find these very useful.

Online therapy

If face to face in Hythe isn’t appropriate for you, then I also see people online. It’s not as easy to build that relationship, that is true, but it can be incredibly convenient for anyone who is not local or who might find a face to face therapy session in Hythe too much to cram into their day.

Many of my clients are entrepreneurs or business owners, but not exclusively, and I do see teenagers too.

The best thing to do is to book a chat here, or email me with your telephone number, to sort out a time to chat and we can take it from there. We will look at your goal, and what type of appointment would work best for you.

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Paula Gardner is a business psychologist, coach and founder of The Good Therapy Practice, seeing clients online and in Folkestone and Canterbury, Kent.

What’s a typical work day look like for you?

I’m usually up by eight, and working by ten. I like a bit of a slow start to my day! I tend to see my business consultancy clients in the mornings, and therapy clients in the afternoons, although this can vary. I work in Canterbury one day a week, seeing therapy clients at the Umbrella Centre. The rest of the time I am seeing clients via Zoom or in person in Folkestone. If I’m not seeing clients then I’m likely to be doing things like writing blogs and articles, or catching up on work reading. At the end of each day I write up my client case notes, review my to-list for the next day and reread case notes for any clients I will be seeing the next day. I only do therapy one evening a week, and work every other Saturday morning, so most evenings and weekends are my own.

Why is mental health so important for business owners?

It’s important for everyone, but business owners face extra pressures. These apply whether they are a freelancer working with a handful of clients, or a growing business owner who is making decisions that impact their employees’ ability to pay their bills and mortgages. Business owners carry a lot of responsibility on their shoulders, making decisions that impact the future of their business every day. Entrepreneurs, and freelancers in particular, are susceptible to feelings of isolation, as they are often working solo. Finally, if you’re ill or grieving, you generally have to just get on with it. It’s a big decision to take a day off, unless you’ve been very wise and set your work up to allow you to do so.

What have been your biggest mental health challenges?

I have been knocked sideways by grief more times that I care to remember, the most recent being when my father died at the beginning of the first lockdown. Incidentally, work kept me going at that time. The structure and companionship (even on Zoom) gave me connection, community, meaning and purpose, vital needs as identified by the Human Givens.

What three things have you done, or are doing that help boost your mental health?

I moved to Folkestone, and just being able to take walks along the coastline has been hugely beneficial. Even on a wet and windy day they are invigorating. During lockdown in London, I only had access to a school playing field for exercise, and I remember walking round and round that field as though I was a prisoner!

I also try and take at least an hour out a week, just sitting in a coffee shop with a notepad. I’ll use that time to journal and check in with myself. Am I doing too much? Am I doing what I want? Who would I like to spend time with right now? Am I getting enough exercise and doing enough fun things? Often, if I’m not careful, they can turn into to-do list sessions, so I have to force myself to pull back and be more reflective. This weekly check in really helps me consider if what I am spending my time on is serving me well.

Finally, I don’t own a car. This means that not only am I not worrying about paying for it, but I am forced to walk. I’ve always worked a lot; even my schools tended to be at least a half hour walk away when I was a child. Walking always lifts my mood and, like that coffee shop and notebook time, helps me feel grounded. If I travel, I travel by train. This means that I can settle down with a good book, or Audible book on my headphones, and relax.

Are there any books you have found helpful?

Reading self-help and psychology books is work for me, so I find it most helpful to lose myself in fiction. I’ve always been a Thomas Hardy fan, ever since I did The Return of The Native at school. Picking up one of his books is like putting on a pair of soft, comfortable slippers. I also love the thrill of discovering new authors and realising they’ve written a whole library of books I have ahead of me!

Interestingly, I often find that clients tell me they can’t read when they are going through something. It’s as if their brain hasn’t got the capacity to concentrate. I know that things are improving for them when they can finally pick up a book again. That’s why I really encourage my clients to read, whether it’s magazines or page turning pot-boilers. Books, physical books are better too as we spend so much time on gadgets.

Are there any ways you sabotage yourself and what do you do about it?

I pack out my diary far too much. I like doing things, seeing people and feeling busy. However, this doesn’t leave much time for rest and sometimes it can catch up with me. I now book in rest times, just like meetings and appointments. I am a member of a local health club with a pool, and spend one afternoon a week there. I also book myself in for art classes on a regular basis. That enforced creativity and chat with others again helps me turn off. Finally, as well as my online calendar, I still use a physical diary. This lets me see, at a glance, how busy a week is looking. Too much writing on the pages and I know I shouldn’t be taking on any more.

It’s been a hard lession, but i’ve learned the value of having my own space.

What have you found is bad for your mental health?

Too much sugar doesn’t make me feel great about myself, although I do find it hard to turn down a cake when I have a coffee. Staying in and doing nothing, watching too much TV (usually box-sets), in fact anything that makes me feel like I am stagnating. I do suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) which means that I can get quite tired and a little down in the winter months, but a lightbox really helps with that. I also haven’t really felt the full brunt of it since moving to the seaside at Folkestone and getting out and about much more. So who knows, perhaps it’s a thing of the past.

Do you have any mental health advice for other entreprenuers, business owners and freelancers out there?

Start noticing what makes you tick and what makes you feel bad. It sounds simplistic but so many of us don’t even think about what we enjoy doing on a daily basis. It’s not the big things, the cars and the holidays, that help determine our happiness. It’s things like allowing ourselves to savour a really good mug of Earl Grey and watch the birds in the garden before we get going on our day. How many moments like this are you allowing yourself to have?

Choosing a psychotherapist who understands business can be really useful. If you’d like to book a therapy session with Paula you can contact her here, or book an appointment here.

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