Why Do Teenagers Self-Harm?

Paula Gardner — Thu, 16 Nov 2023 16:43:13 +0000

What I say when asked why do teengers self-harm?

I often get asked by parents who want to know why teenagers self-harm. I can give them a bit of a steer as to why, in general, teengagers self-harm, but every child is different. There are many reasons behind self-harming. It’s also important to remember that we all self-harm to some extent or other. Staying up late to binge watch that box-set when you’ve got an important meeting in the morning? That’s a form of self-harm. Failing to do any form of self-care? That’s a form of self-harm. As is continuously being attracted to the wrong type of person, eating unhealthily, smoking, vaping…and the list goes on.

So, what do all these have in common? They all provide some type of relief in the short-term. That could be a sense of comfort, familiarity or even a feeling of switching off. These are, of course, on the milder end of the spectrum, but it’s useful to know that we all indulge in self-harming behaviours. In the meantime, back to the teenagers and the reasons why they might be drawn to this behaviour.

It helps them cope with emotional pain

Teenagers may use self-harm as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions such as sadness, anger, anxiety, or frustration. It can serve as a temporary release from emotional pain. When we self-harm, it can lead to the release of endorphins, which are the body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators. This can create a temporary sense of relief and euphoria.

Seeking Attention or Help

In some cases, self-harm can be a way for teenagers to communicate their need for help or support when they find it challenging to express their struggles in other ways. It’s a shame that we so often dismiss this need for attention, as it’s an intrinsic human need. If someone needs attention, that surely is what we should be giving them, especially if they are self-harming to get it.

If communication skills are lacking, self-harm may serve as a visible expression of inner emotional turmoil. It can be a way for individuals to communicate their distress when words fail them.

Peer Pressure

Social pressure, bullying, or the desire to fit in can also be reasons your teenager might start to self-harm. If it is isolating being the only one who doesn’t do it, then why not try it, just this once?

Mental Health Issues

Issues such as depression, anxiety, or borderline personality disorder can contribute to self-harm. Addressing these underlying issues often results in this behaviour fading away. Engaging in self-harm can provide a distraction from overwhelming emotional pain. The focus on physical pain may divert attention from intense emotions, at least temporarily.

It gives a sense of control

For some, self-harm can provide a sense of control in situations where they may feel powerless or overwhelmed. The act of self-harm can be a way to regain a perceived sense of control over their own bodies and emotions.

Self-Punishment

In some cases, self-harm may be driven by feelings of guilt, shame, or self-loathing. The act of self-harm can serve as a form of self-punishment for perceived wrongs or failures.

It’s natural as a parent to be very worried if your child self-harms. If they have told you about it, that’s a good thing. It can serve as a starting point for conversations around the situations above, to help you and your teenager navigate this challenge. Working with a therapist can also be very useful, as they will create a safe, independent space where your child can feel heard and explore their feelings without worries around upsetting you.

I am happy to chat if you think or know that your child is self-harming. I can work with your teenager. If your teenager is getting support already, I also work with parents who perhaps need extra support through this difficult time. Please contact me and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible, or you can book a Zoom session here. I see clients in person in Hythe and Folkestone, and also offer online and telephone sessions.

The post Why Do Teenagers Self-Harm? appeared first on The Good Therapy Practice.

Helping teens with anxiety – advice from a therapist

I see so many teenagers and young people who are coping with strong feelings of anxiety. There are many reasons for this – exam stress, relationship issues, gender and other types of identity questions, first relationships (and break-ups), family breakdown, traumas and even hormones. These are some thoughts that might help you be able to ease your child’s anxiety. If, however, things are really tough right now, you can contact me to arrange a chat, or book a zoom session with me for both of you.

Keep up communication

One of the most crucial steps in helping teenagers with anxiety is to create an environment where they feel safe and comfortable discussing their feelings. Encourage open communication by actively listening to their concerns, validating their emotions, and showing empathy. If they say they are stressed about something, such as an exam, don’t poo poo their feelings by commenting that they’ll be fine, they always are. Likewise, avoid judgment and criticism, and reassure them that their feelings are valid.

Talk About Anxiety

Help teenagers understand what anxiety is and how it affects them. Provide age-appropriate information about the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety. When they can identify their anxiety, they are better equipped to manage it. My article on exam anxiety gives you some idea of the mechanism of anxiety.

Teach Relaxation Techniques

We can all do better with relaxation. Teach, or even better explore together, relaxation techniques they can use when they start to feel anxious. Breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation are effective tools that can help calm their minds and reduce anxiety levels. Encourage regular practice, even when they are not feeling anxious, to build resilience.

Promote Healthy Lifestyle Choices

It sounds boring but a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep play significant roles in managing anxiety. Of course, we can’t all be angels all the time, Aiming for the 80/20 rule is realistic. That’s 80% good habits, 20% with a bit of leeway. Encourage teenagers to prioritise their physical health by eating nutritious foods, engaging in regular physical activity, and establishing a consistent sleep routine. These habits can help regulate mood and reduce anxiety, and make a good foundation.

Foster a Supportive Social Network

Teenagers benefit greatly from having a strong support system. Encourage them to maintain and nurture positive relationships with friends and family. Healthy social connections can provide a sense of belonging and emotional support, which can help alleviate anxiety. If you notice they are withdrawing from friends, encourage them to maintain those connections. Even at time of intense studying and exams, seeing friends will be beneficial.

Set Realistic Expectations

It’s important for them (and us) to understand that perfection is not attainable, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Encourage them to focus on their efforts rather than outcomes, and remind them that failure is a part of growth. You can share this video about the growth mindset that explains this.

Time Management and Organisation

Teaching time management and organszational skills can reduce the anxiety that stems from feeling overwhelmed by schoolwork and extracurricular activities. It will also help set them up for University or their first job. Encourage teenagers to use planners or digital apps to keep track of assignments and deadlines. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps can also make them feel more achievable.

Seek Professional Help When Necessary

If a teenager’s anxiety is significantly impacting their daily life, it may be necessary to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide guidance, therapy, and, if needed, medication to manage anxiety. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor if you are concerned about a teenager’s mental well-being. I work with teenagers online and face to face, in Kent.

Be a Role Model

As an adult, you can set an example by managing your stress and anxiety effectively. Teenagers often learn from observing the behaviour of adults around them. Demonstrating healthy coping strategies and seeking help when needed can inspire them to do the same. Talking about your own stresses (within reason) and what you are doing to cope with them can be a useful education for them.

Encourage Self-Care

Teach teenagers the importance of self-care and self-compassion. Encourage them to engage in activities they enjoy, pursue hobbies, and take breaks when needed. Self-care helps build emotional resilience and provides a buffer against anxiety.

If your child needs help around anxiety or anything else that they are finding hard to cope with right now, you can contact me to arrange a chat, or book a zoom session with me for both of you.

teenagers Archives - The Good Therapy Practice

Why Do Teenagers Self-Harm?

What I say when asked why do teengers self-harm?

It helps them cope with emotional pain

Seeking Attention or Help

Peer Pressure

Mental Health Issues

It gives a sense of control

Self-Punishment

Helping Teens with Anxiety

Helping teens with anxiety – advice from a therapist

Keep up communication

Talk About Anxiety

Teach Relaxation Techniques

Promote Healthy Lifestyle Choices

Foster a Supportive Social Network

Set Realistic Expectations

Time Management and Organisation

Seek Professional Help When Necessary

Be a Role Model

Encourage Self-Care